Loving someone through their addiction

I am a daughter, a cousin, a friend of someone suffering from addiction. I have had to learn the hard way, the hurtful way, the unbearable, yet the truthful way on how to manage my love, my extended offer for help, my time and energy. I have had to understand that I am not able to help those who are not yet ready to receive the help.

But how do we know?

In our minds we begin to battle with ourselves, and we begin to take on the responsibility of saving and changing our loved one. We begin to tell ourselves that we are strong enough for us both. That we can make them change their habits and we can save their lives. That love is enough to overcome all of it. 

As parents we have always been able to wipe away their tears, place bandages on their scraps and cuts, hold their hand when they were scared and tuck them in at night safe and sound. Take a deep breath in….and hear me loudly and clearly. We will never be able to save them until they are ready to be saved and make the change themselves. We cannot want something for someone else that they are not willing and ready to receive. 

You will have to learn how to say NO! You will have to learn when to walk away, when to stop answering calls. You will have to stop giving them money and realize that their manipulation will tear you apart and make you hold onto everything inside of you that believes they mean it this time. This is the hardest and most hurtful thing to accept, but it is one of the most important things to recognize and come to terms with.

You will also need to know when to extend a hand to help them up. When they are ready. If we are going to be a support system for our children, sisters, brothers, parents, extended family, and friends who are battling this deadly disease we must first think of our own health and wellbeing in order to show up the way they need us to. 

I highly encourage you do not attempt it alone. Build a team that will unite and stand together. Become educated on how addiction impacts the brain, on trauma, on dual diagnoses. Educate yourself on statistics and learn the steps that have been proven successful in the recovery process. 

Recovery is not a race; recovery is not even a marathon. Recovery is a life journey that must be taken one day and one step at a time. It may show up differently as each day passes. And some days are easier than others, but all days are worth it. 

Praying that you have a day filled with love, recovery, and peace!

Jodi Russo-Bailey